Skip to content

My Very Own Catholic Guilt

June 4, 2009

**Sidebar (yes before we even begin) – This is in no way meant to offend any of my Catholic readers. My very best friends in the world are Catholic. I, myself, am not religious and more specifically have some issues with the “rules” of being Catholic but that is neither here nor there. My best friend often blames her guilt on being Catholic and in turn when I’m feeling guilty she claims to be “rubbing off on me”. Seriously I mean no offense. **

So I haven’t posted in awhile and while a big part of that is because of this new baby, there is another slightly less obvious reason. I have been over-the-freaking-moon happy for the past two weeks. Exactly two weeks ago I was hours away from meeting my little Chase. Ever since he was finally freed from my tummy I have been delirious. Ok I have had two slightly embarrassing “freak-outs” but that’s to be expected right? Anyway the point is I have been super happy and its all this happy shit that leaves me feeling guilty…confused…allow me to explain.

You see right now my life is pretty f’in perfect. I have a fantastic husband. He has been so great about taking care of me (he was through the whole pregnancy, especially the end), he loves his son and loves spending time with him (including the unfun tasks like diapers) and he is just generally a really good person. I have a really nice house full of nice things. I have the ability to be a stay-at-home-mom without too much worry about finances. I have a brand new healthy beautiful baby, on top of that he is what you would call a good baby. I could go on but the point is I don’t want for much physically or emotionally. and that makes me feel guilty.

I know way to many people in real life and online who can’t get pregnant with the babies they deserve, others who have lost those precious babies. I went to visit my old office today with the baby so a few people could meet him. I saw the look of pain on my former co-workers face as I carried him in. She carried her little girl for nine months only to lose her during labor. I know she doesn’t begrudge me my happiness but all the same I felt like I may as well have stabbed her in the heart.

So anyways I’m just struggling right now with how to write posts about all my happy without feeling like I’m pouring salt in the wounds of my friends who aren’t. Don’t abandon my little blog forever I’ll get back to regular posting soon.

Love to all!

Advertisements
7 Comments leave one →
  1. Swoozie permalink
    June 4, 2009 3:38 pm

    I'm happy to hear about all the great things going on in your life! Life is pretty awe-inspring and your paragraph about life being pretty f'in perfect is how I feel about my life as well. Life is good and I'm not afraid to enjoy it!

    A great post! I'm looking forward to more…..heh heh! When you get a chance that is!

  2. Perksofbeingme permalink
    June 4, 2009 3:45 pm

    you deserve happiness my love. You really do. I love you.

  3. Krystle @snarkykisses permalink
    June 4, 2009 5:17 pm

    You have a big big big heart to be able to write what you just wrote telling us how you feel bad that you're writing about how good your life is now (it really shows you care about others and what they're going through and that is so sweet of you)!

    Don't stop writing though because you're afraid you'll hurt others feelings… Enjoy your life while it's here, and don't be afraid to share it (when you feel comfortable). You deserve to be happy!

    Can't wait to meet you!!!! 🙂

  4. Sam permalink
    June 5, 2009 1:13 am

    The fact that you care so much about others only proves what I had already figured out… you're a good person. Don't begrudge yourself of your own happiness because you're worried you might offend someone, just think of what you're giving Chase when he's old enough to read and appreciate what you've written. Everyone has struggles along with the joy, so just be honest and don't apologize for either. Hugs.

  5. Mariah permalink
    June 5, 2009 2:45 am

    You deserve the happiness you are feeling… I know what you mean though, it's hard to write your happines down for the world to see when there is saddness around every corner. You are allowed your feelings, good, bad and otherwise

  6. moosh in indy. permalink
    June 5, 2009 3:08 am

    Oh honey.
    No worries. Because tonight I'm going to get nine hours straight of sleep and I don't have stitches in my butt.
    Please be happy. I would expect nothing less from a new mom.
    Life comes and goes. Without your happy the rest of us wouldn't have much hope.
    xoxo

  7. Heather permalink
    June 9, 2009 4:01 am

    I think that while it may hurt to see you with your beautiful baby, you didn't hurt her, it is just the pain of being after something like that happens in your life.

    Each time I see a teenie set of twins I get all misty and think of how I never got to carry mine outside of my womb. It breaks my heart a little each time, but I am so beyond thrilled for those parents. And also very thankful that I will be sleeping the night through.

    xoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: