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I’m drowning

October 6, 2009

Ok that may have been just a little bit dramatic but what can I say my emotions? they are all. over. the. place. The stupid thing is, I recognize this pattern and I know it means I need to get back on my medicine. I know that the vicious swings from elated to edgy are a result of my anxiety. It pisses me off that I can become so unraveled over nothing. Sure I have problems but they are nothing compared to those of my closest friends. I know there is no hierarchy of pain but sometimes I just want to kick my own ass for the pity parties I throw.

I’ve been really struggling to write lately. I can’t seem to find my rhythm. I tried only writing when I felt I had something pertinent to say but that didn’t feel like enough. So I tried participating in NaBloPoMo for September and clearly that was a big fat #FAIL. I felt like I was posting idiotic ramblings that eventually would turn people away. I can’t seem to find the middle of that scale and make it all balance out.

I’ve been pouring a lot of my time into my gig over at Aiming Low (have you been there? no? go now, I’ll wait…) The posts I’ve put up over there have been just about everything I can squeeze out of tired little fingers. I’m also trying to work on a little site redesign and move over to my own domain. Then you know there is that pesky business of running my day to day life. Apparently bills do not pay themselves and my laundry is yet to be self cleaning.

Lately it has felt as though I can’t finish anything I start. I’m trying to way to many things at once and I am only succeeding in running from one to the next making a mess of everything. That said I’m going to do the only thing I really know how to do when I get like this. I’m going to make myself a to-do list and just start pushing through it. The month of October IS going to be productive for me, I will not let it be another September.

Now I’m off to watch TV start my list.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. October 7, 2009 10:14 am

    I’ve been there. Feeling as if taking a breath might cause you to shatter. I’m 19 weeks pregnant, and I’ve already told my doc to give me some meds for after. Because last two babies? Oh, so bad. I was so dark for too long.

    I’m a big fan of some SSRI’s.

  2. October 8, 2009 4:23 am

    Good luck. Even without needing meds, it can be tough to get up, away from the computer, and do the freaking laundry. 😛

  3. robotsandcandy permalink
    October 8, 2009 7:25 pm

    This sounds so so so much like me right now. So much, that it sounds like something I’ve been meaning to write myself.

    So from from the bottom of my heart, I wish you good luck.

  4. October 9, 2009 10:03 pm

    I totally know how you feel. Sometimes the best thing to do is watch tv for awhile then try again. xo

  5. October 12, 2009 7:31 pm

    Oh honey… I so know. You’ll get there – in the mean time, just remember to breathe, and to be thankful for everything you have around you. I don’t mean to sound trite at all – I totally know the struggle. Indeed, watch some TV, and just forget the rest for a little while. The laundry will still be there… just wear something you put on yesterday – no one will know. It’s all good. 🙂

  6. October 15, 2009 9:28 am

    Dude. Welcome to the damn club.

  7. October 16, 2009 12:05 pm

    Want to borrow my rubber duckies?
    They make drowning a little more of a party.
    I’ve got your back. xoxo

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