Chase – Month 5 (and 4)

Chase –

Today you are 5 months old, I can’t believe how time has flown. Clearly it’s been a whirlwind since I never did write you a month 4 letter. Most days it’s 3:00 before I realize that over half the day is gone, of course it doesn’t help that we sleep in every day until 9 (or later). You are still so happy in the morning, I honestly have no idea where you get that from, it’s surely not from me.

You found your voice sometime in the past two months. You love to shriek, it’s funny because you go so high pitched that your voice cracks and almost no noise comes out. I would take a video of it but every time I pull out the flip you go completely blank and just stare at it. You are completely mesmerized by the video camera and refuse to perform for me when it’s on.

You’ve learned a lot of new tricks in the past two months. You, of course, put everything you can get your hands on straight into your mouth. You rolled over onto your stomach once while you were at your grandma’s, you obviously didn’t like it because you have yet to do it again. In the past week you have gotten a little more comfortable with tummy time and have learned to flip yourself over when you are tired of it.

I’ve had a lot of people question whether or not I’m getting bored with being at home with you. I can honestly say there has yet to be a truly boring day. There are days that I want to cry, there are days we both cry, there are days when I yell at you. I’m guessing there will always be those days. There are also the mornings we lay in bed and sleep away the morning haze and I wake to you cooing at me. There are afternoons that we nap on the couch together. There are hours spent trolling the aisles at Target playing with the toys and entertaining the shoppers. There isn’t anything I would trade all these little moments for.

I’m getting ready to leave on a trip this weekend. I won’t see you for seven and a half days. I’m going to miss you like crazy. A couple of people have asked if this is my first time away from you or if I’m nervous about leaving you. I almost feel guilty for saying no to both questions. I left you for the weekend when you were barely 2 months old, your dad and I went on a mini vacation for 4 days last month. I guess it seems odd to some people that I’m so comfortable being away from you. I want you to know that my being away from you isn’t about not wanting to spend every day and every night with you, it’s about staying true to myself. I don’t want to completely lose myself in being your mom. I want you to be able to look at me someday and see everything I am. I want you to love me as your mom and be proud of me for me.

I love you with every piece of my heart
Mama